I’m here to dispel that myth. Because, let’s be honest – everyone loves a good post about how someone is terrible at something. It’s good for our egos. And, it’s good to face the fact that I’m not good at some things.
Take houseplants.
Houseplants are my nemeses (is the plural of nemesis “nemeses?”).
Remember my succulents.
*Loved them*
I have read in many reputable online sources (I’m talking to you, Google) that succulents are almost impossible to kill.
Not that it mattered. I mean, I planted a GARDEN this year for goodness sakes. I got my fingernails dirty. I planted seeds. I even wore my work clothes. I’ve been eating fresh tomatoes like it’s going out of style. People call me “Kim: Goddess of the Green for a reason.”
(Note: I’m really the only person who calls myself “Kim: Goddess of the Green.” But, don’t let that fact fool you.)
I can take on a few measly houseplants, I thought to myself.
Well, whoever said succulents are impossible to kill LIED. And you know what happens to liars? (I’ll let you figure that one out. Google it.)
Three of my succulents have already been killed. And my remaining plants are heading towards an premature death as well. (I don’t have any pictures to show you the sheer ugliness, but you’ll have to take my word.)
What in the world?
Don’t they know that I’M THE “GODDESS OF THE GREEN.”
I didn’t overwater them – or underwater them. They get the right amount of light. I think they were planted correctly. They have drainage.
What have I done wrong? Any ideas?
And, now it’s like all the houseplants are working together to drive me INSANE. My aloe vera plant is attracting little gnats. My money tree is looking sad. I was planning to bring my ferns inside for the winter, but I don’t know if my sanity can take it if they die.
And, let’s be honest – the sanity of the “Goddess of the Green” may be on it’s last leg anyhow.
haha!!! I laughed HYSTERICALLY through this post.
I’ll call you Kim: Goddess of Green if you want. 😉
Thanks, Mary! Good to know. I may be watering too much. I don’t really have a windowsill free, so I’ll have to figure out where to put them.
I guarantee you they are not getting enough sun. Succulents need to live on a window sill. I also think you might be killing them with kindness. What you think is enough water is probably way too much. Let the dirt dry all the way out before you give it any more. My aloe is lucky if it gets a cup of water a month, and it’s perfectly happy.
mary
You are such a talented lady, there had to be something that you’re lacking in! I can’t grow anything – inside or out, and I have been forbidden to touch any plant that I want to live. So I’m sure that I could kill succulents, too. 🙂 I’m impressed by your garden, though!
I bet Franco is getting up there when nobody is looking and peeing on them! He really IS a little devil, ain’t he?
Maybe your new name should be Kim: Goddess of the Garden. 🙂 I too killed a succulent. I think I overwatered mine though. And, I killed a beautiful money tree. I still don’t know if I over or under watered it, but I think it was one of those. I heard they don’t like drafty spaces, could that be a problem at your house?
I’ve done best with the plants in my garden window: philadendrons, african violets, a bonsai money tree, a bonsai tree (which I started from a clipping in water), and a euphorbia. Anything that requires watering once a week is what I do best.
Good luck with the plants that are still holding on!
I just bought a kid’s book about plants! That’s how retarded I am about growing anything! I highly recommend it though. The one I picked up was from a library sale, from 1975, or something.. but it has helped me learn a lot about indoor plants!
I also just killed a succulent!! I think they need full sun and I don’t really have that (or that’s my story anyway!).
You are so funny, sorry about your succulents. If B wants a plant inside (I’m anti house plants – long story involving my MIL), then he needs to care for them. I just don’t remember to take care of them.
I’ll call you “Kim: Goddess of the Green” around the office, if you like. Don’t worry. I killed a cactus once – also supposedly impossible to kill. That was the day I decided I have a black thumb.