Do you ever look around your home and wonder how you even managed to acquire all this stuff?
You don’t have to qualify for an episode of Hoarders to feel like it’s all just a little too much. Your home could look beautiful and organized to those around you. You may spend plenty of time picking up clutter and organizing closets and dusting shelves.
But you know the truth.
The stuff has gotten out-of-control. (Again.)
You read books and blogs and articles and believe that you are doing something wrong when it comes to purging and organizing and downsizing. Because you STILL aren’t done.
But here’s the thing – purging and downsizing aren’t typically a one-time exercise.
In my experience, it takes time to really get to the root of the “stuff problem.” And that means revisiting your stuff again (and again and again). It means looking at things with fresh eyes. It means purging items this time that may have made the cut last time. (I’m looking at you, bin of table runners.)
And that’s exactly what I’m doing now.
Our home is much lighter than it was two years ago. I feel much less stress to maintain and clean and manage our home and things. There is more than enough space for everything.
But I still think living a “downsized life” (whatever that looks like to you) takes time, consistency and vigilence. And at this point, I know we still have too much. So I’m looking at things with fresh eyes, after living in our home for almost a year.
Because if it hasn’t found a home by now, maybe it’s time to let it go.
Here are a few ways I approach purging (for the second or third or fifteenth time). Because for many of us, it takes more than one clean sweep. Maybe you need some encouragement to start purging (again), too.
(And maybe you just need someone to tell you it’s really okay if you aren’t done yet. IT’S OKAY.)
Start with perspective.
Twelve years ago, I was an unmarried college junior. And in May, I loaded a 2-door Pontiac Grand Am with nearly every single thing I owned. I even had room to shove a giant hand-me-down red shag rug that my friend no longer wanted. (“Thank you very much, a red shag rug is just what I never knew I always wanted.”)
Let that sink in. (Not the rug. The stuff.)
12 years ago, I could fit everything I needed to live and thrive in a 2-door vehicle. And folks, I wanted for NOTHING.
Now, we have a 1,500-square-foot home and a few extra people and dogs and a lot more stuff.
We have closets and cabinets a’plenty. We have dozens of bins that hold items I only use to decorate the house once a year. We have a 2-car garage and an entire BARN, for goodness sakes. The barn also has plenty of stuff (admittedly, in a semi-organized fashion) – tools and gardening items and vehicles and even a guest space.
And as time goes by, I’ve been thinking more and more about the amount of things we have in our home. And how many things we really, truly, actually need and use regularly. Especially when I know that I have lived with much less – and was happy doing it.
This isn’t always an easy thing to consider. In truth, it’s easier to just consume and buy and fill those closets and proudly display to the world just how much we’ve really MADE IT.
Because obviously, the more stuff I have, the more successful I am. Right?
It’s harder to analyze the reasons why we have so many things we actually don’t need. It’s harder to cut off the constant influx of things into our home. And it’s harder to get rid of things when I’ve spent good money on them/wonder if I may need them one day/feel sentimental toward them.
So I’ve been revisiting the big picture –
- How much we really need to be happy (not much)
- Why we are keeping everything else (ego/pride/fear/laziness)
This is just simply giving me perspective – that I don’t NEED all these things. And they don’t make me happy. I’ve been happy with far less.
Doing this helps me to start purging with an open mind. Because keeping something out of fear or laziness isn’t good enough for me.
Set limits.
Over the years, Ryan and I have managed to downsize a lot. But one of the hardest things to downsize for us has been sentimental items. What do you do with all those sentimental things?
If you are like us – many of the items stay in the basement. Forever. In dusty boxes.
Instead, consider what items you really love and want to keep. And then figure out where they should be displayed – because if you don’t love something enough to display it, it may not be worth keeping.
And once you’ve done this, you may have some things you still can’t bear to part with. That’s when it’s time to set limit. Ryan and I have tried to narrow down our sentimental items to one large bin each. This gives us some flexibility to keep items we just can’t bear to get rid of (like Ryan’s baseball cards and my school mementos).
Purge duplicates (ruthlessly).
I’ve learned the hard way that when it’s time to purge, you have to see all the contents and literally touch and debate everything. That means cleaning out the entire drawer, the entire closet and the entire bin in the basement.
It would be much easier to just cherry pick the items you know you can get rid of. But you’ll have better results when you start at square one – and empty space. Because then, everything has to prove its worth to make its way back into the drawer/closet/bin.
When you are doing this – it’s also important to group like items together. In the bathroom, I dumped out the whole bin of cosmetics and group items together.
- Then, I realized that I had 14 nail polish colors and I haven’t painted my own toe nails in four years. (Toss.)
- And I realized that I had three containers of powder foundation that were empty or old colors. (Toss.)
The list goes on and on.
Focus on things you truly love.
I have a tendency to want to keep things I like, even if I really only use and display the things I love.
For example, I have plenty of decorative items. But I tend to use the same “favorites” all-year. So why keep those extra vases/jars/trays/table runners?
The short answer – I shouldn’t. And maybe there are things you don’t really “love” anymore, either.
Embrace the empty spaces.
I’m learning to live with a little margin. Actually, I’m learning to thrive with some margin.
Because when stuff is crammed everywhere, it feels overwhelming.
But there’s something calming when every inch of your home isn’t packed to the brim. So I’m learning to love a little more margin. And I’m also working on creating a little more margin in our home through purging – that could mean getting rid of things I actually like for the sake of more space.
Take your time and give yourself grace.
If you are anything like me, you are pretty good about extending grace to others. But you need to give yourself a giant helping of that, too. Because too often, our expectations for ourselves and our homes are higher than anything we’d expect of others.
What does that means
You don’t have to be done today. (You also don’t have to be done tomorrow. Or, like, ever.)
You can work toward the goal of a more “downsized home” over time. Start somewhere – but don’t rush and don’t beat yourself down if it takes a long time. Because, it’s really about the process as much as the end result. It’s about changing our perspective and mindset to a life with less stuff.
So start somewhere – with that overfilled closet – or your bathroom – or a junk drawer. And then celebrate with a mojito. I’ll be raising a glass right along with you.
And before you know it, you’ll look around your home and feel proud of all the progress you’ve made. Just one step at a time.
Who’s in?
P.S. Need a little boost? I’ve been very inspired to live with less by several great books – 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess by Jen Hatmaker, The Joy of Less by Francine Jay, and The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. (These are affiliate links.)
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Cheryl says
I have a tendency to want to keep all the sentimental things but I’m learning to let go. Somewhere I read to take pictures of sentimental items.
I had gingham aprons that my great-grandmother made for us when we were children – all hand stitched and embroidered. Too small for me to wear & use and too stained to want to display. So my granddaughter & I made Christmas cookies and I made my husband take pictures of her wearing the aprons. Then I sent the aprons home with her! I’ll probably frame one of the pictures with some gingham scraps that my great-grandmother embroidered with various motifs – her way of saving patterns for future reference.
We are also scanning all paperwork and getting rid of the paper (except for those few things that must be kept – like passports, marriage license, car title, etc). Creating an organizing & naming system for computer files is not very glamorous but it takes up far less space than filing cabinets full of seldom accessed paperwork.
So I’m learning to purge – every time it gets a bit easier and I decide I really don’t need as much. Learning not to purchase so much on the front-end has helped greatly also. I have a list or a plan for all shopping – in person or over the internet. Generally I put off any purchase for at least a week and think about how much I really need that item.
Thank you for sharing your adventure – it helps to see how your purging has evolved over the years – makes me feel like I’m not alone!
Kim Woodward says
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It helps to know that many of us are going through this, too.
I love what you did with the gingham apron – what a wonderful way to preserve the memory and give them new life through your granddaughter.
Scanning – while not glamorous – helps a lot, too. I added an app to my phone that I can scan easily and save them to Dropbox.
Katrina says
Loved this post Kim and it so resonates with me….so often I have to tell myself no and more is not more it feels crowed especially in a smaller home setting.
On my list of things to de-clutter / donate is my sons bedroom just too much stuff for one small room…..which basically means its time to donate….I also have so many drawers in my bedroom that need to be emptied…time to let it go
Gretchen@BoxyColonial says
I had a Grand Am in college, too! We just got rid of two minivan loads full of stuff over the past month, and it feels awesome. I still need to tackle the basement at some point, though….
Donna Baker says
This is an excellent outlook on decluttering. I keep a giveaway box handy so when I come across something I no longer need/want I can remove it immediately and have somewhere to put it. It becomes a game. Today I’m going into every room and hope to find one thing in each space that really needs to go. Last week it was one thing out of each kitchen cupboard. I just need a push and the courage to be as forceful in my garage. It’s scary out there! Enjoy your own game 😄
Kim Woodward says
This is a great idea! I find that once I get going, I tend to do well with purging. But it’s just taking the first step. I definitely will try the game.
Good luck with the garage! We have been working on that, too!
Aubrey says
I find theminimalists.com podcast to be really helpful in stopping the excess before it becomes clutter. That and Marie Kondo’s methods…
Kim Woodward says
Thanks so much for the recommendation! I’ll definitely try it out!
Kristen Windle says
So good. I’ve been reading about this over and over. Today, I decided to have a yard sale this wknd. I need something to kick it in and get rid of the things we don’t need. Thanks for the encouragement!
Tia says
Kim I constantly struggle with Cole’s toys. I feel guilty selling or donating items I didn’t buy and I don’t even know where to start! He plays better with less, I even think he’s happier with less, but anytime I pick something up there’s something that says we “need” it. Any help dealing with that guilt??
Kim Woodward says
I have been thinking about toys a lot lately, too. They seem to take over. I actually removed more than half of Henry’s toys and put them in a room he can’t see them. It’s been a month and he hasn’t even asked about them. That freed up a lot of my guilt about taking toys away.
As for guilt about selling/donating them if they were gifts, I always remind myself that once it’s been gifted, it’s ours to do what we wish. I would never give a gift to someone and be upset if they sold it on the swap/yard sale. If you think the person who gave it to you would rather have it at their house (like a grandparent), it’s totally appropriate to ask if they’d like to keep it there instead.
My philosophy – If it’s taking up space and it’s not being used, it’d be better off somewhere else. It’s sort of the same philosophy I use for other stuff, too. And as Henry gets older, he’s been a lot better about helping me sort out stuff that he doesn’t use anymore. One in – one out.
Finally, this will be our second birthday party when we ask for no gifts (except for immediate family). It helped alleviate the huge influx of new stuff. And he didn’t even notice – he still got gifts from us and the grandparents and was pleased as punch.
Trista says
I struggled feeling guilty donating Blaire’s stuff, too! Between all of the books, stuffed animals, and toys there are just so many things she doesn’t use any more, or at least very often. But I realized I felt way less guilty when I donated clothing to the YWCA for children there in need and when I donated toys, books, puzzles, etc. to a local daycare where lots of kids will play with them daily.
Kim Woodward says
That’s a great idea – knowing items will get more use than at our home is a wonderful motivator.