Ryan and I are celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary today.
And by celebrating, I mean he’s hanging wallboard at the house and I’m still in my pajamas with coffee watching Henry play with his new Paw Patroller.
Fair trade, am I right?
Here’s the truth – when I married Ryan, I got really, really lucky. I was 17 when we started dating and 23 when we got married. I didn’t know anything, but I knew he was a keeper.
After 8 years of marriage and almost 15 years together, I still don’t know anything. But I am still positive that I have the perfect husband for me.
That doesn’t mean that our marriage has always been easy or fun. It doesn’t mean either of us are perfect. But I really am thankful for every day – even on hard days. (And no, sometimes I don’t realize I’m thankful for those days while they’re happening.)
And I have learned a lot about marriage and life from Ryan. Now, I just have to spend the next 8 (or 80 years) trying to put this stuff into action. It will definitely take that long.
Sometimes it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other.
During a trip to Atlanta 6 years ago, Ryan and I ended up walking what seemed like miles to get to a barbecue place we wanted to try. It was (at least) a million degrees outside.
And while I wanted to lay on the steaming pavement and wait for death to take me, Ryan told me (not unkindly) to stop thinking about it and just put one foot in front of the other.
This is really my husband in a nutshell. He just keeps going. If he’s tired, he keeps going. If he’s mad, he keeps going. If he’s hungry, he keeps going (and he eats).
It’s how he is building a house. It’s how he’s a wonderful dad and husband. It’s how he is a killer friend. It’s how we’ve made it through tough times.
Because the truth is, sometimes marriage isn’t easy and you may want to give up. But it may just take putting one foot in front of the other.
What other people do (or think) doesn’t matter.
Here’s another important thing about Ryan – he really doesn’t care about what you think. Or what the Internet thinks. Or what my friend’s husband thinks.
He doesn’t compare himself, his life or his family to others. He doesn’t try to outdo his friends (or my friends) by getting bigger gifts or making grander gestures.
Because our marriage has nothing to do with you. Our love doesn’t look anything like yours. And it has nothing to do with what someone else posts on Facebook.
Thank goodness.
Being right about everything is overrated.
This is probably just a result of being married to the woman-who-fights-to-the-death-for-things-that-don’t-matter. But Ryan isn’t going to argue you to death. He just isn’t.
He will state his peace. He will tell you what he thinks (if you ask).
But he’s also aware enough to know when it’s just not worth it. He isn’t going to use his energy fighting about things that don’t matter. And when it does matter, he’ll just stick to his guns without being aggressive.
(Me? I’m still working on this.)
There is such a thing as too much talking.
In marriage, quiet is okay. Quiet can be great, actually. Every single thing doesn’t need to be talked into the ground.
If you fight, it’s okay to say sorry and move on. If you are thinking about something, it’s okay to mull it over on your own for a while without talking through every single detail.
It’s all about teamwork.
And this is really the bottom line – marriage isn’t really a competition. We’re not competing against other couples and, most of all, we’re not competing against each other.
Ryan and I don’t always agree. That’s okay. (In fact, I would say it’s healthy.)
But you know what Ryan understands? That he and I are a team. And that being together is way more important than being right or getting his way. And that it’s important to form a united front – even if we have heated discussions in the privacy of our home.
I guess he really just focuses on what matters – this marriage and our family. Really grateful to be celebrating 8 years with a man I learn from every day.
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cassie @ primitive & proper says
such a sweet post- ryan sounds like a wise man. 🙂 and he’s lucky to have you and your awesome sparkling self, too- both of you are blessed.
Kim Woodward says
Thank you so much, friend. I think he’s pretty lucky, too. 😉
Ashlee Michelle says
Happy Anniversary!!! Wishing you another great year (plus 80) of love and happiness!!
Back in April I wrote about Making it through our 1st year of marriage, because I really did get excited about making it through year 1. So many people told us that the first year is the hardest, and sadly we saw a few friends marriages be rocky in Year 1….so when we woke up on April 19th to our 1yr Anniversary we both said “Dude, that was easy” LOL But I guess its different for everyone!!
I really like what you said about what others do and think don’t matter. I had a friend of mine, who still feels this way, tell me that my husband isn’t right for me. And I felt like it wasn’t from a place of concern but rather a place of malice. She could have worded it better than she did, but she hasn’t liked my husband since we’ve been together (since 2010) and I’m glad we’ve proved her wrong the last 5 years. We also have family friends on my Husbands side who don’t like me for whatever reason, but I’ve had to learn that it doesn’t matter what they say or feel about my marriage. The most important thing is, what WE think about our marriage. I can’t wait to see what we’ve learned in 6 1/2 more years!!! 🙂
-Ashlee Michelle
Kim Woodward says
I actually thought year one was pretty easy – still felt new and fun. But it probably varies a lot based on your relationship. Wishing you a wonderful second year of marriage.
As for people liking you – I’m a bit believer that not everyone is going to like you and that’s totally okay. 😉 I wrote a post about exactly this for a moms blog – maybe it will connect with you, too. http://quadcity.citymomsblog.com/2015/05/05/not-everyone-likes-you-and-thats-okay/
Lisa H. says
Happy anniversary!
Heidi says
Happy Anniversary! From someone who will celebrate Anniversary #31 next Monday and also met my hubby when we were teenagers, Ryan is just a treasure – and so are you. Figuring out what works for you as a couple isn’t always easy and you seem to really have what’s important front and center in your relationship. Enjoy your anniversary and the many, many to come! It never gets old to celebrate the wonderful wacky person that put up with you for another year!
Kim Woodward says
Thank you so much for the kind words – and happy 31 years! What an accomplishment!
Katja | Shift Ctrl Art says
He sounds like a keeper 🙂 You already had me at hanging wallboard. Perfect guy 🙂 Happy Anniversary!!
Barb Nelson says
What a wonderful tribute to marriage. Having known Ryan as a little boy, I can completely see the man you describe. How perfect that he found you, a woman who would not only see all of those attributes, but eloquently be able to express how perfectly the two of you fit together. You even made me appreciate my husband more because I see some similar traits, and sometimes we need to stop and think about how we, as a couple, fit into this world. Thanks, and Happy Anniversary!
Kim Woodward says
Wow – thanks so much for the note and kind words. We’re pretty lucky, and it sounds like you are, too. Happy 2016!
Dawn says
I couldn’t love this post any more, Kim! If it ends up picked up by HuffPost I wouldn’t be one bit surprised. Happy Anniversary!
Kim Woodward says
What a kind thing to say! Thank you for your support and encouragement.
Stephanie says
Happy happy anniversary lovebirds! yall are great, I love you two!
marilyn says
Happy Anniversary! Cory and I are quite similar to you and Ryan. We are just busy being us and not trying to keep up with anyone else. What works in other relationships doesn’t necessarily work for ours kwim
Kim Woodward says
Ryan’s definitely better at remembering this than I am. But I’m working on it.
Faith says
What a great post. We’re 9.5 years in and I can say YES to everything here, although my man seems to get some of these waaaay better than me. I’m founder and ceo of the stubborn wives club. 😉 Happy Anniversary!!!
Kim Woodward says
I didn’t know there was a club! I totally want to join! 😉
Amy Jones says
You certainly have a keeper and it’s awesome that you are so thoughtful and aware of the traits he offers. Especially the part about being right or the quiet (a good reminder for this extrovert).
Karen says
This is a beautifully stated homage to celebrate your love . Happy Anniversary !