Do you ever feel like you can’t slow down your brain enough to love your home right now?
Maybe you aren’t in your forever home. Or maybe you can’t afford the projects you want to complete the most. Or maybe you have young children and you can’t have nice things at all. (Preach.)
I’ve always been someone who has looked ahead. The next project. The next job. The next home. But the problem with this kind of thinking is that it keeps me from fully appreciating the present.
It’s not that different from having a baby. When my son was smaller, I wondered about all the things I wanted him to do next – when he would sleep through the night, when he would finally stop crying, when I could get a little sleep.
But when those things finally happened, I was too busy to enjoy it. Because I was thinking about the next things – when he would walk, when he could talk, when he’d (finally) be potty trained.
And now I look at tiny little babies and regret thinking about the future instead of basking in all that sweet baby goodness. (I mean, I just want to pinch these little cheeks through the screen right now.)
Do you see how that can happen?
The same thing happens to too many of us in our own homes. We’re too busy with the “buts” to find contentment in our homes – as they are right now. (But, the backsplash needs tiled. But, the bathroom needs to be remodeled. But, this house is just way too small.)
This is something I’m always working on in my own life. And, friends, it’s not always easy. I love our home. But I’m not always content at home – because there’s always something. Even if this may be our forever home, I find myself struggling to feel content.
Here are a few things I’ve done to help – maybe they’ll help you love our home and feel more content, too.
Train yourself to think about the positives.
I found myself caught in a habit as I was showing friends our new home. When they’d compliment something, I’d immediately point out all the things we still need to do.
“Oh, don’t mind that closet – there still aren’t any shelves (eye roll).”
“Well, it will be great when we finally have the money to finish the basement.”
Stop it. No one cares. And that means I shouldn’t care either.
Now, I make myself pause. I make myself say “thank you.” And instead of seeing what needs to be done for this unrealistic idea of perfection, I make myself think about positives. How far a room has come. How great it is to have extra space. How much I love the wall color.
Mind you. This isn’t automatic. This is a habit I have to cultivate. And you have to make yourself do something to create a habit.
I even had a book made of with all the photos of our house building. This is a literal way to see how far we’ve come. It’s hard to be frustrated about the lack of progress when you see that first hole in the ground.
Give yourself permission to treat your current home as your forever home (even if it’s not).
I was visiting a friend at her home many years ago. As I complimented the wall colors, all the great woodwork and the enormous fenced-in backyard (WITH A HOT TUB!), she cut me off.
“It’s okay for now. But obviously, it’s not our forever home.”
Have you ever felt this way? I have. It’s easy to discount the home you are currently living in because you know it won’t be forever – so why bother loving it too much?
But this is a recipe for disaster. Because the more you treat your home as temporary, the more discontented you’ll become.
Even when we lived in our small barn, I tried to find solutions and projects that made our home feel like a home – not just a temporary space. I painted walls. I tried out different patterns and decor. This helped it feel more like our forever home, and not just like our “in between” home.
Prioritize those must-have projects.
It’s fun to dream about everything you want to finish in your home – all the projects you want to tackle to make your space perfect and magazine-worthy. It can be fun to talk about and dream about them and pin about.
But, there are only so many hours in a day. And some of those require sleep and work and eating and grocery shopping and surfing the Internet.
So as you keep talking about all the things without serious progress, it can lead to serious overwhelm. You may begin to feel like nothing will ever get done.
Why even bother if you can’t do everything right now?
I know many of you feel this, too. Because I’ve been asked by many people how to prioritize all those projects. The answer isn’t black and white. It’s all about what matters to you the most.
And what matters the most can’t be everything.
Time and money are needed for every single project you work on. So, it’s fine to dream about all those projects, but until you are willing to spend money and time making it happen, it doesn’t matter.
Ryan and I have a really simple way to nip the overwhelm in the bud. When we talk about projects (conversations that happen almost daily), we always have a concurrent conversation about importance of the project.
I would love to have a kitchen backsplash – like, tomorrow. But is it more important to finish the backsplash over finishing the shelves in the linen closet? (Answer: no.)
So, that means linen closet shelves are still at the top of our project list. And then a few other things. And then maybe backsplash.
By prioritizing projects as we are dreaming, it makes it much less overwhelming. And it also makes it feel less unfair that everything isn’t done right now by a pack of Fairy Godmothers.
Just as important, Ryan and I also have regular talks to actually plan time on our calendar to complete projects we decide are most important. So, if we want to do the shelves, we have to plan time to actually do it.
This sounds simple, but it’s all too easy to let projects go because you never actually schedule the time for them.
If you’re like me, you may also struggle with finding contentment in your home. But with a little focus, I’m finding more gratitude and contentment right where I am – even if there’s more to do down the road.
What do you love most about your home?
(It’s Valentine’s Day – so let’s feel the love.)
Did you like this post?
We'd love to send you more inspiration and encouragement for your home. When you sign up below, we'll send you our free guide to save thousands on your next home project. Because your home shouldn't own you.
dulce says
love your blogs!!
may i ask where is your black frame bed from?
Gretchen@BoxyColonial says
yes! This probably is our forever home, but when we first moved in (and, you know, now, too, really), there was just SO MUCH that needed to be done that it could be hard to appreciate the parts that were already pretty great. And these days our time for projects is so short that it’s easy to get frustrated. but slow and steady wins the race and all that.
KNatGU says
Lovin’ this topic, I move we totally drop the term “forever home” from our vocab entirely. It creates some weird un-due pressure. I’m certain my mom has never uttered it and as I see many of my loved ones age, their priority changes, maybe the move to a 1-story home due to mobility issues or maybe they decide senior living is more there style or maybe they want to go live in a different climate or with a grown child.
It seems to be a phrase that rages against the very core of living in the moment or even finding happy in the now. Thanks for the prompt!
Kim Woodward says
I’m with you – the word forever home does have a lot of pressure with it. And you are also so right – our grandparents never called anything a forever home. We so crazy.
Jess says
I totally over-plan for the house. For years I wanted a concrete patio because we had no place to hang in the summer that wouldn’t require moving outdoor furniture to mow on a weekly basis. We finally found a concrete guy and got a huge patio put in, and now I can’t stop obsessing about an outdoor fireplace and expanding the patio to include a bar. What is wrong with me?! lol!
When I stop and think about it, I have an awesome house, its roomy, open, and even has a view that I never dreamed I would have. Frankly, the whole house is way more awesome than what I could have ever expected to actually own. I need to take your advice and just dwell on(in?) that.
Kim Woodward says
Jess – I can totally relate! One project always begets another! I think it’s gotta be a balance between loving what you have while also being realistic and dreaming for the future. But the future can’t be the only thing we enjoy, right?
(Plus – a firepit does sound pretty great. ;))
daisy says
OMGosh, that Henry was such a sweet lil’ thang.
Yeah, this was timely for me, as we are renting right now while we scour the countryside to find our final homestead. Thanks for the words of encouragement.
Happy Valentine’s Day Woodwards!
Kim Woodward says
Thanks so much, Daisy! Hope you had a happy love day.
Cathy says
I sit in my office this morning with hammering and banging going on over my head. After 27 years we are finally finishing the attic! But during that time we tackled projects to improve our home and make it ours. We also saw our boys grow from toddlers to fine young men who are working and paying taxes. But we too were also looking forward to the next home project and next phase with our boys. I told my husband many times “Don’t wish our lives away.” We do have the money to finish the attic but there are no little boys that need help with washing their hands, doing homework or playing baseball. Life can sometimes be tradeoffs. Just make the most of what you have and enjoy and treasure the moment. It will be gone soon enough and sometimes forgotten.
Kim Woodward says
Such a wonderful reminder, Cathy!
Cassie Bustamante says
these are great tips! i have gotten better about it this year, but perhaps that is also my lack of wanting to do projects. 😉
Kim Woodward says
Ha! It’s probably reverse sides of the same coin. 😉